I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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