i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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