Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
