You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
