found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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