True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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