Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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