I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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