Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We are two peas in an std pod
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
