I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
