I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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