am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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