There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
