Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We got so high we made milksteak
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
