woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
