apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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