I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
