so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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