ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
