I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
two words: eviction party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
