he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
