At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
