Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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