Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
