Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bleeding and have questions
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
