Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if only i could text you this smell
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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