I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize