dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
