The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
