It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
