Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
