During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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