Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
