so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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