Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
