It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
