we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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