i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
