It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
