I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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