Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
