Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
