Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
