At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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