She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
