Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
