the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize