Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you would pick up someone in the library
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
