they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
