You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
