He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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