she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
