I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
