I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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