i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I lost the right to judge tonight
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