and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
