I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
