Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
