How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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