So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got inside last night via doggy door
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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