3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
