do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
