Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize