I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
