fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
