Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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