I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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